The England sides of the 2000s were among the most underwhelming national teams in living memory.
How such a star-studded side only got as far as the quarter-final stage at major tournaments – and then just straight up did not qualify for one – remains a mystery.
Some of the leaders of those Three Lions teams have admitted there was a lack of cohesion in the national setup because of their intense rivalries at club level. This led to a few frosty and cold relationships in the England camp.
Judging by their managerial careers so far, most of them never really outgrew that anti-social and angsty period of their lives.
Who’s the best of a pretty rubbish bunch though? Here’s 90min’s rankings.
Teams managed: Valencia
Career win percentage: 35.7%
Highlight: Being the literal manager of Valencia Club de Futbol
Lowlight: The look on his face when losing 7-0 to Barcelona
A quick look at Gary Neville’s stats suggest he wasn’t an utterly terrible manager – 28 games, 10 losses, seven draws, 11 losses. 39 goals scored, 38 conceded. See, not horrendous, right?
But then you factor in he was in charge of Valencia, who finished the previous season in La Liga’s top four. Ah.
Oh, and don’t ask how he got the job. Or what his exploits have done for the job prospects of pundits worldwide.
Teams managed: Salford City (caretaker/interim), Oldham Athletic
Career win percentage: 30.8%
Highlight: Won four games in his career
Lowlight: Won only one as a permanent manager
Right, so Neville won several more matches as a manager than Paul Scholes. He also had a slightly better win percentage. So why does Scholes rank higher?
Because he, mercifully, packed in that managerial lark quite quickly, taking charge of just seven games as a permanent boss before packing it in.
Teams managed: Macclesfield Town, Southend United
Career win percentage: 22.6%
Highlight: Only one of the two teams he managed are now defunct
Lowlight: One of the two teams he managed is now defunct
Sol Campbell’s management tale is actually quite a sad one. He took charge of two struggling sides in Macclesfield and Southend, and despite his win percentage he wasn’t completely rubbish. He has since insisted he is quitting coaching as he is happier away from that world.
Teams managed: Derby County, D.C. United, Birmingham City
Career win percentage: 26.1%
Highlight: Saving cash-strapped Derby from relegation
Lowlight: Any venture undertaken without the assistance of Liam Rosenior
There is no reason other than Michael Jordan-like competitiveness for Wayne Rooney to be a football manager.
He should be spending every day laying on a beach and making sure the Vardys aren’t privy to his private life.
Teams managed: Salford City (caretaker), England Women, Inter Miami, Portland Timbers
Career win percentage: 43.6%
Highlight: Actually managed in a World Cup semi-final
Lowlight: Sacked by his mate David Beckham a few weeks before Inter Miami signed Lionel Messi
That Phil Neville is deservedly fifth on this list is a serious indictment on everyone who is below him.
Teams managed: Fulham, Bournemouth, Club Brugge
Career win percentage: 39%
Highlight: Two promotions to the Premier League and managed in the Champions League
Lowlight: Lost 9-0 once
The streets (and The Streets) will not forget Scott Parker.
Teams managed: Manchester United (caretaker), Middlesbrough
Career win percentage: 53.7%
Highlight: Unbeaten in his three games in charge of Manchester United
Lowlight: Somehow only being third on this list
In years to come, Michael Carrick will likely move to the top of these rankings. We just need to see more from him to justify that first.
Teams managed: Derby County, Chelsea, Everton, Chelsea again (caretaker)
Career win percentage: 41.3%
Highlight: Technically built a Champions League winning team
Lowlight: Crawling through the supplicants door
It’s often forgotten Frank Lampard’s managerial career actually started with promise. He led Derby to the Championship play-off final and steered Chelsea to a top-four finish despite receiving a transfer ban after Eden Hazard left.
It then really went downhill after 2020.
Teams managed: Rangers, Aston Villa, Al Ettifaq
Career win percentage: 57.1%
Highlight: The 2020/21 Scottish Premiership title
Lowlight: The existence of Unai Emery
The transformation of Aston Villa under Unai Emery has essentially killed Steven Gerrard’s managerial career at the top level. No wonder he ran off to Saudi Arabia.
