The recent suicides at Kota are foremost on our minds this World Suicide Prevention Day. Of course, several hundred Indians take their own lives every day, across all walks of life, but we would like to focus on students in extremely high-pressure environments.
Let us start with two contrasting real-life stories. The first is a story of a male student studying at Kota, whose parents have taken on extensive financial loans to fulfil their dreams of him studying at IIT. On the first day, his teachers ask all those students who have topped their schools to raise their hands. As all hands in the room rise, the teacher asks students to see the number of hands up, and realise they are nothing special. He studies in a tiny room, with little access to natural daylight. He is only allowed to speak to his parents, no one else, to avoid distraction. As a result, he feels isolated, and often depressed. Some peers have taken their own lives in such an environment.
The second story is about the first author’s time during the MBA programme at Harvard Business School, the most coveted in the world, 20 years ago. A combination of challenges in her personal life, and a feeling of a lack of belonging, made her unhappy and even contemplate self-harm. Yet she completed the programme, made friends that she travelled the world with, and graduated without incident.
One student learnt resilience, while another struggled with it. This was not because of a difference in personality, but because the tangible building blocks of resilience were in place for one, and not for the other. “They couldn’t cope with the pressure” is a common sentiment in response to the students who take their lives. But the real issue is resilience – why are some students more resilient and others less so – and it’s not an innate personality issue. The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University did an extensive study on resilience and identified four key areas that help its development.
First, facilitating supportive adult-child relationships. Children learn by mirroring their adult caregivers and these relationships help them learn to regulate stress hormone production during their early years. There was a belief earlier that the home environment needs to toughen up children to prepare them for the world outside. However, we are increasingly seeing the need for home to be one of safety, that can help release the build-up of toxic stress outside. Aparna received emotional support from her parents and faculty, even when they did not fully know how unhappy she was. But the Kota student’s parents are too stressed themselves to offer him emotional support.
Second, building a sense of self-efficacy and perceived control, which means that the child or adolescent needs to feel that they have the ability, desire and hope to overcome an adverse situation. This is what tides them over the inevitable losses and failures of life in an extremely competitive environment. Aparna took active steps to enhance her well-being, from enrolling in creative writing classes and doing yoga – options that were not available to the Kota student.
Third, opportunities to strengthen adaptive skills and self-regulatory capacities or know-how which brings confidence. Aparna took advantage of the MBA programme’s flexibility to pursue project work rather than classroom experience, which she enjoyed more. The Kota student, on the other hand, was constantly tested and graded, with no time to focus on learning and building adaptive skills.
And last, mobilising sources of faith, hope, and cultural traditions. Family systems, traditional practices, and mother tongue are ways in which we communicate what is being felt. When individuals are removed from spaces of familiarity and are put into sterile spaces such as Kota or anonymous dorm rooms, they spiral into hopelessness. Abusive and violent ragging multiplies this impact.
Each system at an educational institute will look different. What works for Harvard Business School is not going to work for Kota or IIT. The key issue is the understanding that the system cannot only be targeted at the top 1% and that we need systems to build up resilience for the rest of the population. Otherwise, student suicides will continue to make the headlines.
Aparna Piramal Raje is the author of Chemical Khichdi: How I Hacked My Mental Health and Megha Mawandia is a family therapist practising in Mumbai. The views expressed are personal
