Inside Judge Judy’s 80th extravagant birthday party

Best bud’s b’day

Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask instead — what is Musha Cay?

Musha Cay — pronounced “Key” — is where Judge Judy and husband Judge Jerry and their family celebrated Judy’s 80th birthday. The judges own homes in five states. So where was the party?

Not off Queens Boulevard. This meant taking a car to the airport, then a plane to George Town, then changing to a smaller plane, then getting on a boat, then a golf cart and then a walk.

And before you can recite the entire Encyclopedia Britannica — you’re there in a 700-acre private resort a splash off the Bahamas.

White sand beach, turquoise water, star chef, individual villas — like, for instance, a 10,000-square-foot manor house. We are talking master illusionist David Copperfield’s wholly owned 11-island Copperfield Bay island chain. In comparison the Garden of Eden’s like nailing a share weekend in Rockaway.

Family tripping

Judge Judy transported her whole family — give or take a kid in school — 23 guests. Understand, Musha Cay does not accommodate quickie one-nighters. Any ancient coot with an itch for a bitch won’t cut it. A destination site, it’s for whole groups, parties, companies, weddings, events. Booking means taking the entire island.

There’s hiking plus swimming, diving, wading, boating, fishing, regattas, paddle boarding, JetSki racing, sailing, floating, rafting, water skiing, underwater whatever, banana boats, sail boats, relay races, outdoor nighttime beachside movie-watching in reclining lounges under the stars and on a giant screen. Also Scrabble, cardplaying, bocce games, snorkeling and whatever-ing.

Expensive. For one extra added-on nighttime beachside picnic the host could be socked another $25,000. The max guests at a minimum five-night stay is 24 people at $70,000 per night.

Dress is casual. There’s yoga, the gym, massages, Hawaiian night, every kind of night probably even Eskimo night plus Vegas night with poker and blackjack. It’s cocktail buffets, 4-star dinners, plus also a real genuine fully loaded 100% authentic Good Humor truck.

Shelling out for fast friends

Forget some cute little plaything you might buy in a pet store. These can go 6 feet and 900 pounds.

A small cordon of non-paying guests are the giant-size tortoises who grow larger than your round living room coffee table. I’d seen their like before in the Galapagos. But these seemed friendlier. One locked eyes onto me and slowly but definitely he/she/it lumbered straight for me. I backed up. Judy graciously whispered: “Could be you remind him of his family.”

What these giant-size creatures do when they’re in heat, I don’t know — but I disappeared behind a banana tree as Thomas Tortoise slowly inched over. Spurned, he eventually left me for one of his own kind. As I took off we saw him lurch up and then onto what instantly became his future intended.

What this big birthday week cost Judges Judy and Jerry was enough to have made a down payment on Manhattan Cay.