Best (corrupt) metropolis ever
New York. Best effing metropolis within the universe. Even when some hidden planet’s newly found 113 quadrillion miles larger than wherever Pete Davidson floats — the actual fact is downtown, crosstown or wherever Bezos sticks his subsequent banana, at present our nation tis of who is aware of from smartness and corruption.
New York, New York. So effing nice that it’s named twice. The place else has that? Like there’s Albuquerque Albuquerque? Even fats rats — the four-legged form — need right here. And NOT Florida the place late dinner’s 4 p.m. and on the subsequent desk is an alligator with that governor who additionally itched to be president.
Better of all the things
We acquired the most effective steaks, finest cheesecake, finest bagels, finest museums, finest theater — nonetheless, there’s a small subject. Neglect heavy on trash, scaffolding, congestion, costs, taxes, theft, theft, awful subway — we’re additionally tops in crappy electees.
Our pols go to the can. Get nailed. Sentenced. Dumped. Do their time. Yeah, we acquired Saks, St. Pat’s, Central Park, Chinatown, finest all the things. Our wealthy are too wealthy and the poor too poor so query is: Why accomplish that many choose politics as a substitute of weighing tuna on the Fulton Fish Market? This from a professional — and never somebody petting a peeing Airedale: “As a result of they’re hacks. Can’t make a residing except they’re on the dole.”
From one other. “There must be a revolution. Best metropolis on this planet doesn’t care in regards to the metropolis. Solely about elections. They’re constructing employment in authorities. Our progress is in authorities hiring. We maintain borrowing cash — going broke paying for nonservices. America is being eaten away by its geniuses.”
A rogues’ gallery
Like Senate Majority Chief Dean Skelos. State Meeting Speaker Sheldon Silver’s federal corruption fees for extortion and mail fraud. Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer discovered with socks on, different issues out — none being his spouse. Congress temp George Santos you possibly can skip altogether.
How about Stanley Simon who loused up one thing however I don’t bear in mind what. High cop Bernie Kerik. All people’s good friend Mario Biaggi. Neglect not our newly nailed next-door Sen. Bob Menendez. Councilman Jumaane Williams who has a document and now itches to be mayor and change Eric Adams now scratching to remain mayor. Early on we had “Boss” Tweed, Tammany Corridor, Carmine DeSapio.
New York, New York, you’re a helluva city. The corruption is up and the prisons are down. The Bronx is up and onetime chief Stanley Friedman went down. How about Pelosi who has document wealth? Or that broke Barack now owns a multimillion greenback mansion?
Battle for the job
Our mayor who’s combating felonies nonetheless desires to be mayor. Our ex governor who’s combating assorted fights additionally desires to be mayor. A bartender itchy to be president is delivering speeches from non-public planes.
At present our nation tis of who? Take a knee, burn the flag, begin a march, hate a faith, destroy a statue, free a con. The land of the pilgrims’ delight? The land the place our fathers died? The land with tax as excessive as an elephant’s eye?
Letting you understand {that a} examine from UCLA predicts that by 2027 there might be 14 million individuals residing in LA — and 78% of them will all have their very own podcast.
And NOT solely in New York, children, not solely in New York.
