Color me old fashioned, but to my mind, being polite to others is the right way to do things. It’s about being respectful and considerate of other people.
It seems that in today’s world if you mention having good manners, you get a blank stare. Somehow the whole concept has been lost in our electronic age, in the freedom to do whatever gives us pleasure even at the expense of others.
But being polite, and caring for the feelings of others, is not as difficult as it seems. It is really about simple things. Saying “please” and “thank you,” or “I’m sorry,” covering your mouth when you burp, sneeze or cough, shaking (or bumping) hands when you are comfortable doing so, opening a car door for a woman or an elderly person.
Then there is the ability to dress without being provocative or making others gawk. And there is the practice of looking someone in the eye while talking.
There is also the art of holding one’s knife, fork and spoon in an appropriate way, knowing which glass from which to drink, taking small bites and chewing with one’s lips closed.
This might be old fashioned, but it is a nice gesture to open a door for a woman, walking behind her and helping pull up her chair at a table before sitting down yourself. Why wouldn’t any of us want to help a spouse, friend or an elderly person?
Courtesy means standing up when a woman leaves the table, standing up again and helping her adjust her chair when she comes back, and helping her put on her coat when it is time to go outside.
How many times have you seen a man walking to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for a woman and then closing the door after she sits down? Not many, I imagine.
Courtesy is not about whether a woman is as capable as a man, or can open her own car door, because in most cases, and you heard it here, she is more capable than a man in the first place, and she can open the car door just fine. Courtesy is more about building warm fuzzies and demonstrating your care and concern for another human being.
These are simple things that today are not so simple. They can build marriage stability, job success and self confidence. They are things that can make you feel good and the other person proud to have you as a friend or partner.
Unfortunately these skills are not taught in our schools and are only reinforced in some homes by those who have been themselves exposed to courtesies and success strategies.
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No, I’m not being an elitist. Far from it.
I am picturing being at McDonald’s sitting in the self-styled dining room and watching men and women interacting. You should try this sometime.
When a man opens the door to McDonald’s and waits for the woman and children to enter in front of him, walks behind the woman to the counter, allows her to order first, then carries the food to the table of her choosing, helping her to sit, and treating the woman like she was, yes, the most special person in the room, there is a glow around these people.
But when a man is self absorbed and walks in front of the woman, sits first and exhibits an uncaring attitude, wow, you can see the feeling drain out of the relationship. Even Ronald McDonald wouldn’t have a happy meal.
Old-fashioned courtesies were not invented by stuck-up people who wanted to be snobbish. Rather, courtesies developed over time, because people discovered how doing things with care and concern for others, for their rights and feelings, led to a more harmonious, and, if you will, loving relationship.
Think about the last time you were driving and needed to enter the mainstream of traffic from a side street, and how many people actually slowed down to allow you to do so. Or the last time you were in line at Giant or Weis to pay for a single item and someone in front of you with a full cart of items offered you the opportunity to go ahead and pay for your single item.
The fact is that The Butcher Shoppe’s overflowing parking lot might be the last vestiges of courtesy, and then only because auto insurance rates are so high.
How far astray we have allowed ourselves to go as a society. Maybe it’s time to go back to the future.
The handshake was invented hundreds of years ago by the French. The whole idea was to see if the other person had a dagger up his sleeve. The French even invented the hand kiss. That is when a man took a woman’s hand and lifted it to his lips for a light and polite peck. Here the idea was to find out how interested the damsel was in the gentleman, since if she raised her hand faster than he was raising his, she was presumed to have an interest, and likewise if she did not keep up with his hand raise, she would be thought of as a dud.
I am not suggesting that men kiss women’s hands, particularly with COVID, influenza and other viruses circulating, but I am suggesting how much nicer life would be if we all took a bit more time and consideration in caring for each other. Courtesies might be a good place to start.
Wouldn’t life be better?
Bill Gindlesperger is a central Pennsylvanian, Dickinson College graduate, Pennsylvania System Of Higher Education (PASSHE) Governor, Shippensburg University Trustee, and Chairman of eLynxx Solutions. eLynxx software coordinates and drives communication, specifying, approval, procurement or production, reporting and activities necessary to obtaining direct mail, marketing materials, promo and all other printing. He is a board member, campaign advisor, successful entrepreneur, published author and commentator. He can be reached at[email protected].
