[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
Madison Beer is opening up about the “darkest years” of her life.
The POP/STARS singer’s new memoir, The Half of It, which is set to release on April 25, lays it all out on the table. From starting out in the industry at a young age, to suicidal ideation — the 24-year-old is letting fans in on some of the most difficult periods of her life.
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In an excerpt obtained by People, the Good in Goodbye artist reflected on a time where she considered suicide after being dropped by her record label — and having her nudes leaked at just 16 years old:
“While negotiating the details of going independent was rocky, the emotional turmoil of being dropped was harder to work through. It wasn’t just a bump in my career — it was a hit to my personal life, too. Coupled with the trauma of having my nudes leaked, it completely shattered the image I had of Los Angeles and the industry. These two big, life-altering events happening back to back knocked me off my feet, tilted my world on its axis, and left me feeling like I had no idea who I was. I didn’t know who I could trust anymore, and I didn’t even know I needed to seek help for the way I was feeling.
It was a lot of conflicting emotions for a newly sixteen-year-old girl to try to shoulder on her own. I felt like I was my own worst enemy. I retreated more and more into myself, and it was the beginning of some of the darkest years of my life, starting at age sixteen and following me into my twenties. There were many times — just like the night my nudes were leaked — that I felt so backed into a corner I thought the only way out was to end my life.”
She continued:
“Once, on a particularly heavy day, I climbed over the edge of my balcony in LA and stood there, a million thoughts running through my head as I stared down at the ground, my eyes going in and out of focus. I don’t think I would have jumped. It was more about knowing that I could — that I had a way out if it became too much. Still, I lingered there for a long while, chilled by the fact that I wasn’t all that scared of being up so high.”
Absolutely chilling. We’re so glad that she found the strength to continue persevering. The Hurts Like Hell singer continued:
“My little brother found me and screamed for my parents, and as I climbed back over, listening to them all freak out, I was only confused why they were making such a big deal out of it. The thought of killing myself was so normal to me at that point that I had forgotten it wasn’t something everyone pondered on a daily basis.”
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What a dark place to be in for such a young girl. And to have such private photos leaked — while she was a MINOR — is completely disgusting. However, after fighting through some of the “darkest years” of her life, the young artist eventually found her place in the industry:
“It took years before I could proudly call myself a songwriter. But the most amazing part about gaining confidence as an artist was finally feeling like my music was resonating with my listeners. I was actually putting out music I was proud of. After bending myself to other people’s wills for so many years, I was doing as I pleased, slowly discovering myself and my own sound independent of outside opinion. I had a long road ahead, but I was taking steps in the right direction. A direction that felt bright.”
Madison told the outlet back in February that by publishing this deeply personal memoir, her hope would be to help others:
“I hope by sharing my honest journey that perhaps someone that wanted to hide behind a keyboard to be mean or poke fun at someone else’s expense thinks twice before they hit ‘send.’ I hope that we can find the strength to support each other and that we can work to treat others in the way we would want to be treated.”
The Half of It will be available next week. Will you be picking up a copy? Let us know in the comments down below.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, help is available. Consider contacting the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, by calling, texting, or chatting, or go to 988lifeline.org
[Images via Madison Beer/Instagram, Access & Epic Records/YouTube]
