Key events
Which pub for cricket in Paris? We have answers for Martyn Fairbrother. Here’s Paris Bob Wilson: “The most guaranteed place I knew was the downstairs bar/lobby of St Christopher’s Inns at 159 rue de Crimée just by the lovely lock on the canal de la villette. You can get Newky Brown there too. Used to be all Aussie backpackers and the occasional bewildered American. Worth calling to check that there’s still all day cricket. Nice grub in that neighbourhood too and delightfully old-world crack-dealers.”
Another option, tweeted in by Charl Engela, is the Frog and British Library. That’s endorsed by regular OBO emailer Nick Toovey, who has watched games there.
The boundary-to-boundary covers on now. Because, did you know, the square goes allllll the way across here at The Oval. Nobody ever talks about that.
The new ECB chair, Richard Thompson, knows this ground better than most given his former gig as Surrey chair. He’s been doing the media rounds so it’s worth reading what he has to say given the influence he now enjoys. Simon Burnton has the story.
So much for that inspection, by the way. We’re heading into that territory where one more big dump – and this rain isn’t that, by the way – might be enough to get the day called off. On the other hand, I’m sure the powers-that-be will give themselves every chance to get on for 15 overs so that they don’t have to dish out full refunds.
#ENGvSA It doesn’t bode well for England that this game, if it ever gets started, is at The Oval. Since lockdown they’ve been unstoppable in the north (P6, W6), middling in the Midlands (P4, W2, L1, D1), and woeful south of Watford (P8, W1, L4, D3)
— Tim de Lisle (@TimdeLisle) September 8, 2022
“Hello Adam and Hello Robert Wilson.” Martyn Fairbrother, welcome to the OBO. “Where’s the place to watch the cricket in Paris? Last time out, in the bar where I was watching, we lost a bit of the Test before lunch to Southampton-Man U and the last wicket to another match. They were threatening to put the Formula 1 on if it had lasted until Sunday.”
Bob, over to you with that one. The French Women’s team were visiting on a tour of England recently – they’ve been busy playing a lot of fixtures this summer.
Covers on. Sorry. Big ones coming now too… and yep, it’s raining.
Tim Connolly sent this 22 minutes ago. “Raining in Chobham, so it’ll be raining at the Oval in an hour.” So, about 30 minutes after the next inspection. Saaake.
“Hi Adam.” Hello, Jeremy Boyce. “I used to live near The Oval many years ago, went one Sunday afternoon to watch Aussies v Surrey, we lost an hour to Lord’s day observance, but the Baggy Greens rattled up over 300 in the day nevertheless. Anyway, am I seriously the first person to point out that, given the recent history of early finishes for matches involving BazBallCC, half a day lost today just means we might actually make it into the fourth, even fifth, day?”
Good shout. The early BazBall efforts made it to day five because New Zealand madeloads when batting first. But I’m not certain South Africa have a top six that’s capable of batting for four/five sessions at the moment. And they’re batting first.
“What happens to tomorrow’s day’s play if the Queen dies this evening?” asks Michael Cameron-Mowat. “Do they suspend the game or do they play the test but with a marker of the event (like the equivalent of a footballer’s black armband)? Hope it’s not a callous question but I was just wondering what happens.”
No callous at all, Michael – perfectly reasonable in the circumstances. The truth is, we don’t know. Our expectation, from earlier reporting, is that play would be suspended on the day itself. But beyond then, it’s unclear. The ECB told us earlier today that there would be a board meeting right away to make a decision.
For what it’s worth, I was on air at Lord’s last year when the Duke of Edinburgh died and we weren’t quite sure how it would play out and the round was nearly suspended. But instead, after respects were paid on the field, the game cracked on as normal. But I appreciate, of course, that this is very (very) different.
Along these lines, a thought I had earlier. There’s a possibility that play will begin this afternoon only for there to be further (and grave) information announced by the Palace before stumps. In that event, national anthems would have been played before the match begins, which is the custom before every Test these days. In turn, it might be one of the last public renditions of God Save the Queen that we ever hear.
Covers back off. Just the hessian for now, with – that latest news again – the formal inspection coming at 4pm.
“*sings softly to self*” begins Josh Cooper. “…he bowls to the leeeft, he bowls to the riiiiiiiiiiiight….” Yes, I was there mate. I was there. “Can’t include a ‘tormentor’ who has a song that instantly brings a smile to my face. Though admittedly 2013/14 has been surgically removed from my hippocampus. Rain is rubbish, isn’t it? Can we all wish the Gnomads CC the best for their tour around the Hope Valley this weekend? In Derbyshire, where it never rains? Enjoy your afternoon.”
Yikes, a nasty weekend of weather for a tour! Hope you have nice digs/pubs. In fact, if you’re in Derbyshire the latter won’t be an issue – love covering games there.
More Johnson-adjecent corro, this from Simon Thomas. “Rather than Johnson ending Carberry’s career, it was very much the selectors who decided that, for whatever reason, his face didn’t fit and that was that. He certainly wasn’t disastrous that Ashes series. If he was playing now, he’d have had a much longer run in the team. I’m off to the Oval tomorrow too – having seen Hayden/Langer and Ponting in 2001 ; Amla/Smith/Kallis in 2012 and Asad Shafiq and Younis Khan in 2016, I’ve had enough of tormentors.”
Couldn’t agree more with Carberry. He left Australia, as I remember it anyway (before I moved into journalism, just trucking along as normal) with his reputation enhanced. Certainly in the eyes of Australians, he little wrong. Got a BBL deal, too.
BBC reporting that seven members of the Royal Household are shortly arriving at Aberdeen shortly. This isn’t a blog on those developments, you can find that over here, but it would be disingenuous to ignore significant developments elsewhere.
Back to our topic, Peter Hanes. “Thanks as always for your coverage. Regarding tormentors, while Warne was so often such a presence with ball and mind, spare a thought for Murali (112 wickets at 20 against England).”
With 16 of them here at The Oval in Sri Lanka’s famous 1998 victory. That was the definition of patience and sticking to a plan: Murali all day, every day.
They announce the 4pm inspection to the crowd and they aren’t happy. A lot of boos and a loud “GET ON WITH IT” booms around the Vauxhall End of the ground.
Further inspection 4pm. Urgh.
“Hello my lovely.” Robert Wilson, I miss you. “I’ve been covering the Nice attack trial at the Palais de Justice all week so I could really do with some bleeding cricket. Did no one mention Ladysmith Black Mambazo for the rain-praising playlist? What is wrong with you people? Also, Warne was quite obviously the torturer par excellence. He clearly enjoyed that bit more than getting the actual wicket. I bet he used to follow batsmen into the toilets and just stare at them from the corner.”
Well, maybe cricket? The rope is going around the outfield – that’s usually a good sign that the serious mopping up work is done with only the surface water left.
“I think most of England’s 1986 West Indies tour squad would consider Patrick Patterson worthy of inclusion,” emails Ewan Glenton. Damn straight – what a force he was. “If pure, ice-cold fear factor were to be a key factor, I’d perhaps have him opening the bowling with either Mitch or Thommo.”
Wondering what ever happened to Patterson? My dear friend and colleague Bharat Sundaresan found him a few years ago. Brilliant piece of journalism.
A plug while we wait for an update. I wrote The Spin column this week, focusing on Zimbabwe and their relationship (or lack thereof, these days) with England. In short: it’s been a long while, a lot has happened, time for them to get back on the field together – tricky as that might now be with the circus of an international schedule.
The inspection is taking place. The covers are on so the umpires are walking around the rest of the (vast) square, getting a sense of how much water is on there. They’re in deep conversation with the head groundsman, by the looks. Some unhappy fans sitting near me – “get on with it!” one roars. Another boos. Now the umps depart.
“Afternoon Collins, afternoon everybody.” And to you, Josh Robinson. “So for me the key question when it comes to tormentors is that of respite. For me, his performances in 2010-11 (and indeed 2009) mean that however devastating Johnson was in 2013-14, he doesn’t make the cut. Whereas Graeme Smith, Steve Waugh seemed to occupy the crease for years at a time. That said, Greenidge’s 214* at Lord’s in 1984 would arguably be enough for inclusion on its own, even if he hadn’t averaged over 50 against England.”
Johnson is complex. As you say, played his part for England in 2009 (although, he was nowhere near as bad as people remember it) and, of course, 2010-11 was messy. But we all know what happens in 2013-14; one of the great cricket redemption arcs.
“Any shout out for the tormentors in a losing cause against England?” asks Tom Barrington. “If so I think Blundell and Mitchell deserve a mention for their heroics this summer.”
If ignoring every other series he played against them, I suppose Shane Warne’s 2005 Ashes would meet that criteria. Also, I wonder if Mitchell earn himself a Wisden Almanack Cricketer of the Year gong next year? In other words, will be be seen as one of the five best cricketers of the summer of 2022 (who hasn’t won it before)?
The covers are back on. I’m not quite sure why, though? I’m sat outside, albeit under cover, and I don’t detect any rain. But it is darker now, so maybe the ground staff are seeing what we are on the radar – more rain likely to hit in a little while. Nevertheless, there’s still meant to be an umpire’s inspection shortly.
In relation to the Queen’s health. The only word we’ve had from the ECB so far is that they aren’t mandated to do anything in terms of the Test. But the board will meet, in the event that there is another development, to decide the course of action.
Adam Collins
Thank you, Daniel. Rain shifts are tougher than they look, he’s very good at it. Well, bit going on, isn’t there? The update from where I am, the outside press box at The Oval, is that we have an inspection at 3:10pm. The tea time will be set after then. Whatever happens next, let’s chat throughout – drop me a line, ping me a tweet.
Anyhow that is me; thanks all for your company and comments. Here’s Adam Collins to soothe you through what will hopefully be some actual cricket, and here’s our rain playlist.
Oh, and here’s Tom King on precisely that point: “I think we’re not leaving nearly enough room for the surprising tormentors – how about Eddo Brandes, the Zimbabwean chicken farmer who ran through England in 1997 (including a hat-trick) and gave the greatest response to a Glenn McGrath sledge of all time?”
Yes, I remember it well – and on that point, here’s some DK Morrison fun from 1997.
And here’s Ewan Glenton with his favourite tormentors: “Mitchell Johnson – 37 wickets at 13.97 in five tests, ending the test careers of KP, Trott, Carberry, Prior and getting Root dropped for the only time – was absolutely sensationally tormentative. Given the plethora of bowlers mentioned so far, I think for this England Tormentors team thing to work, it’d have to be at least a three-match series, different pace attack every time, there are so many. Rodney Hogg was pretty tormentuous too in the 78-79 ashes: 41 wickets, including that of Boycott cheaply four times.”
Hmmm, I’d argue that KP’s England career was ended mainly by KP himself, along with Alastair Cook, but yes, the point still stands – and you can sort of add Graeme Swann to the list. Tangentially, I’m now thinking about randoms who’ve tormented England too – Greg Blewett, Vinod Kambli, Rajesh Chauhan, Venkatapathy Raju, Scott Boland and so on.
More misery from John Robinson: “Day 1 at the Oval, 2011. Only 25 overs before lunch, because expletives in the hospitality boxes in the OCS stand kept moving behind the bowler’s arm. Rain after lunch, and we traipsed back to Loughborough Junction. When the rain stopped at about 5pm I hopped on the bus back to the Oval, and was approaching the gate to hear the announcement over the tannoy that play had been abandoned for the day. If we’d gone the next day we’d have seen Bell and Pietersen put on 350 in glorious sunshine. One ball less and we’d have had some money back, too.”
Oh that’s glorious.
“I saw England play out a draw at Lord’s in June 1997 against Taylor’s all-conquering Aussies when England were savouring a rare 1-0 series lead,” says Malcolm McAdam. “They later converted it into a 3-2 series defeat with the usual suspects doing the damage. The last day before I began my first job after graduation.
That does indeed sound painful, and on the subkect of England tormentors, he says: “Allan Border (56 avg v. Eng) would give Smith good competition as bat and capt, but I think Sobers tops them both as an allrounder and with a 60 avg. Lara (62 avg), Viv Richards (63 avg), Warne and Steve Waugh would also make my XI.”
Bright sunshee-ine, inspection at 3.10pm
Looks like we’re getting cricket!
“Family party of four drove to Headingley for the 1980 West Indies Test,” recalls David Bartram, “weather fine, bought tickets on the gate (easily done then); got in, weather still fine; paid the transfer to behind the bowler’s arm (you could do that then). Sat down. Promptly started raining solidly and maliciously; play called-off; no refunds then. Didn’t let it put us off though and returned for the Saturday of the ‘81 Headingley Ashes Test, which duly banished the bad memory.”
Aw I love a happy ending.
“Apropos of ‘the thing’, “ emails Pete Salmon, “thought this might be of interest: the last time a monarch passed, 71 years ago, there was a rest day declared in the India v England Madras test, which turned out to be India’s first victory. Vinoo Mankad 8-55 and 4-53, Polly Umrigar 130 not out, Pankaj Roy 111. And Lala Amarnath played, which means the Queen has been Queen since when Mohinder Amarnath’s dad was playing…”
The clean-up has started, report Cricinfo. Oooh yeah – I’m surprised they can print that pre-watershed.
“I was lured to Australia for the 2017-18 Ashes,” says Kat Petersen, “mostly with promises of a beautiful sunny Australian summer. By the time I landed we’d already lost even the mathematical possibility of winning the series and I got rained on in all three Test grounds I went to. Thanks Australia!”
In 10-11, the weather was thought to be a reason England won so convincingly. I’d suggest the presence of Michael Beer, Doug Bollinger, Xavier Doherty, Ben Hilfenhaus … and, er, Mitchell Johnson … was just as significant. On which point, can we have an England tormentors XI without Mitch?
“Was it only 714 runs?” wonders Matt Dony of the 03 series. “It actually seems like that should be higher. My only real memory is that Smith appeared to always be on show. He’d bat for two days, spend a day captaining in the field, then straight back to batting. And there didn’t seem to be anything England could do about it. It must have been mentally exhausting. I’d have had to sleep for a month after that tour.”
I remember thinking he looked like a cartoon – a massive bloke with a tiny bat, as in the below.
The covers are coming off!
Come on….
“Here’s a first, entirely subjective stab at an England tormentors XI, off the top of my
head,” returns Josh Robinson.
“Greenidge
Smith (c)
Bradman
Lara
Waugh
Sobers
Gilchrist
Warne
Hadlee
Marshall
Donald
I’m sure there’s plenty of scope to improve it (I’m most sad that I
couldn’t make room for any of Saqlain Mushtaq, Waqar or Wasim from the
1992 tour), but it seems a good enough place to start.”
I don’t think I can agree with the omission of Alderman, but that is a solid outfit.
“My first and so far only experience of Test cricket was the 4th Test of the England v Pakistan series in 2010 (yes, that Test),” says Matt Cast. “I hung about in the rain all day before seeing 12.3 overs with England limping unconvincingly to 39-1. If I’d gone on the second day I would have seen nearly 100 overs and a Stuart Broad century. Ah well. Lords was pretty amazing to see though.”
I was on holiday at the time, so shifted my tickets for your day to a mate, having already lozzed the next day to some randoms off Gumtree. I felt guilty about that.
The umpires are out, brollies up
It looks grim upstairs and all. Given how long it’ll take to dry the outfield, it’s hard to see much going on in the afternoon sesh.
