Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, Might 25, 2022

Word: Hey, wanna grow to be 20 p.c sexier in three simple steps? Simply print out this web page, clip out the wonder mark inside these brackets—[ • ]—and glue it to your cheek, higher lip, or tuchus. Howdy, beautiful.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til the beginning of the 94^th Scripps Nationwide Spelling Bee: 6

Days ’til the 32^nd annual Chowderfest in Waterville Valley, NH: 4

Variety of Home Jan. 6 Committee public hearings which are scheduled for subsequent month: 6 

Variety of them (the primary and the final) that can occur throughout prime time: 2

Variety of nations that simply introduced new safety help packages for Ukraine: 20

Variety of pay telephones in New York Metropolis in 2014: 6,000

Avenue in Midtown Manhattan on which the final surviving New York Metropolis public pay phone was eliminated Monday to get replaced with a Wi-Fi hotspot: 7^th

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Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (together with 4 volcanoes and 3 RuPaul Dolls full of eeeee-vil).  Soul Safety Issue 12 lotion is really useful in the event you’ll be strolling amongst the heathen in the present day.

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Pet Pic of the Day: Dance!

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CHEERS to the morning after. Whoa—what a major day yesterday was, huh? The fisticuffses in Texas, Alabama, Georgia—my god, Georgia!—and Arkansas have been brutal, costly, and legendary. And now that they are over, we have condensed hours of copious observe taking and quantity crunching to summarize simply what the hell we noticed final evening in excruciatingly-fine element proper all the way down to the precinct degree. Right here we go…

Content material eliminated as a result of clearly the winners weren’t Mr. Spock, Captain Morgan, Papa Smurf, or the ghost of Betty White.

We apologize for the dissemination of this inaccurate info through all of the community broadcasts, the AP, UPI, Reuters, and The New York Instances earlier than we might pull this down. Precise outcomes could be discovered right here.

—Day by day Kos Elections Crew

Congrats to all of the winners. Subsequent week: on to California, Iowa, Mississippi, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, and New South Dakota. And as soon as once more we’ll be on it like paste on glue on double-sided tape.

JEERS to climate’s windbags. Not that means to be Debbie Downer or something, however the 2022 Atlantic hurricane season begins per week from in the present day. Nationwide forecasters, who appear to be pretty correct about these items, say we’ll possible need to take care of 14 to 21 “named storms, with 6 to 10 hurricanes between June and November.

And in different information, Pat Robertson’s newest dialog with God in regards to the gays, feminists and pagans reveals that we will count on 1-3 meteors, 6-8 poisonous-frog showers and one other season of The Masked Singer. Oh, the humanity.

CHEERS to the visionaries. 235 years in the present day, the Constitutional Conference opened in Philadelphia with George Washington presiding.  They got here to blows over their first order of enterprise, however after a lot quill-stabbing and cane-beating, they lastly agreed: We hereby resolve that Cheesesteak shall not be thought-about Cheesesteak with out Cheez Whiz.  It was largely easy crusing from there.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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JEERS to monkeypox. Look, I do know there’s concern in regards to the monkeypox. I do know we’re all questioning if we’ll be prepared with a monkeypox vaccine if a monkeypox pandemic breaks out…or, at minimal, if Ivermectin or UV gentle “within the physique” or bleach injections “nearly like a cleansing” can be obtainable if monkeypox turns into a difficulty. I do know we’re terrified of monkeypox-related bathroom paper shortages. I do know that monkeypox might require us to wipe down all our groceries, to not point out wash our fingers for 2 stanzas of Glad Birthday To You each 5 minutes. However here is the factor I would like you to know that can set your thoughts relaxed. Till you see the phrase “Monkeypox” in C&J, monkeypox merely just isn’t a difficulty. So maintain off on the monkeypox hysteria till you really see it talked about right here. In the mean time, I’ve no plans to say monkeypox, scribble monkeypox, sky-write monkeypox, meme monkeypox, gif monkeypox, or introduce ideas of monkeypox through nanobots within the Covid vaccine. So chill out all people. I acquired this.

CHEERS to looming leisure.  The summer time season formally begins in 48 hours, and the #1 approach to kick it off is, after all, by battling visitors. This weekend’s forecast from AAA is again to “Horn Honky”…

The unofficial begin to summer time can be a busy one this 12 months as AAA predicts 39.2 million folks will journey 50 miles or extra from residence this Memorial Day weekend.

This is a rise of 8.3% over 2021, bringing journey volumes nearly according to these in 2017. Air journey continues to rebound, up 25% over final 12 months, the second-largest improve since 2010.

Air journey quantity, which started to rally final Thanksgiving, will hit ranges simply shy of 2019 with 3 million folks anticipated to take to the skies this Memorial Day weekend. Regardless of historic fuel costs, breaching the $4 mark in early March, 34.9 million folks plan to journey by automotive, up 4.6% over final 12 months. 

Should you’re planning an tour to the seaside or the mountains or the vaccinated in-laws (fortunate you), please comply with our traditional security pointers: drive with care and remember to flip folks off responsibly.

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Ten years in the past in C&J: Might 25, 2012

CHEERS to …[Click!]…the sofa potato’s…[Click!]…finest buddy. C&J bids a fond farewell to Eugene Polley, who died at 96. He invented the TV distant, whose essential function, after all, is to drive your partner stark-raving mad. After a sublime funeral, he’ll be laid to relaxation between two couch cushions.

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to doing the Kessel run in lower than 12 parsecs. Immediately is the forty fifth anniversary of the discharge of Star Wars, a film that had me sq. in its demographic sights (I used to be 13 in ’77) and hot-wired my mind during the remainder of my life. First time I noticed it I used to be on a faculty discipline journey in Berlin, Germany, and I’ve to say Darth Vader was scarier when he was talking German (“Gibt mir die aircraft, Mädchen, oder Ich will in deine kopf das kopfmitteldammer uberungenscheide gefurhen Schweinhund”).

It is estimated that over $35 billion has been spent on Star Wars merchandise, and I consider I’ve half of that within the attic. And now we’re in a renaissance of streaming spinoffs like The Mandalorian and Obi Wan (begins streaming Friday!) that embrace the roots and gritty really feel of the unique that was nominated for 11 Oscars and gained seven. So long as they preserve pumpin’ ’em out, I will all the time be 13, as evidenced by the thought that simply popped into my head: Booger balls.

Have a contented humpday. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about in the present day?

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Immediately’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Solely fools and Frenchmen suppose Invoice in Portland Maine is something lower than an actual life Tony Stark.

—Atrios

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