Recounting an awarding role
Bruce Vilanch, king of the Oscars writers, remembers Sharon Stone flashing her basic parts in “Basic Instinct.”
He says: “Joke then was, ‘This year’s biggest part was Sharon Stone’s in “Basic Instinct.” ’ She then grimaced in the audience.
“Oscar nights we get audience seats. Sometimes they’re on top of the balcony. Once I asked Chris Henchy, Brooke Shields’ husband, if he wanted a pair of tickets. Brooke said, ‘No. Forget it.’ They didn’t even sit through the show.
“Often in our room we writers throw jokes at each other. Once documentary winner Michael Moore made a speech about George W. Bush. Stagehands began booing. Emcee Steve Martin then announced the stagehands were helping Michael into the trunk of his car.
“For jokes some stars need rehearsal. Jane Fonda wants a pre-reading. Johnny Depp: ‘I don’t know how to do this because there’s no real character here.’ I said, ‘Make one up.’ So he remembered being chemically altered in one picture and delivered his lines as if he was slightly oiled.
“I actually started with Bette Midler. She was then nobody but — like me — she came from New Jersey so I wound up writing for her.”
Not my fault
After the earthquake on Friday, listeners called into the radio with reactions. One Jerseyite said — quote — “I thought former Governor Chris Christie fell out of bed.”
Pumped up
Oil’s heading back up as predicted. The Mideast inches toward more bad times. Pay attention to oil plus additional inflation.
One analyst claims that the Permian field — our Southwest’s highest oil producer — may reach peak production within two years. Our supply then decreases. Comes next the question of Iran.
Insufferable backer?
This paper’s Johnny Oleksinski pees on or praises movies and theater shows.
Swearing he’s never wrong, he bitches: “Hillary’s now in showbusiness? People are being kind about her as a ‘Broadway producer’ of the new show ‘Suffs’ at the Music Box? It’s about those days when women fought for the right to vote. OK, but what the hell does she know about the theater business?
“She’s only a face — and most divisive face you could pick. Sales were soft its first week of previews. So, will its Tony Awards campaign be her third failed campaign in a row?!”
One more complaint and Johnny O ends up getting Napoleon’s used cot on Elba.
Murmurings
That ol’ gang of mine is raising kids. Gwen Verdon and Bob Fosse had one daughter, Nicole. Next up, Fosse’s grandson Sean’s in the coming film “Beyond the Rush.” He plays an attorney . . . Miley Cyrus and Halle Berry pray for a “good neighbor.” Rich guy Frank Schilling’s 130 acres on Malibu’s Encinal Canyon Bluff is up for bids through Thursday at Sotheby’s Concierge Auctions. Those unobstructed ocean views list for over $13 million . . . Kindly Rob Lowe: “I’ve been on a TV show every year since 1999. I’ve had a movie slate up my face more often than a toothbrush.”
White House: Its resident spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for the knob.
Likes to steal the spotlight, plus maybe anything that can be moved.
Asked a question while hobbling toward the helicopter, its occupant thinks with his legs.
Lone thing he understands is the talent of a vice president is one who hasn’t any.
Only in America, kids, only in America.
