Behind Caeleb Dressel’s Olympic return, ‘a piece in progress’ to rekindle his love for swimming

Comply with our Olympics protection within the lead-up to the Paris Video games.

The shimmer of Caeleb Dressel’s seven gold medals might counsel in any other case, however he is aware of swimming generally is a brutal and suffocating sport.

He’s, with out a shadow of a doubt, among the finest on the planet at what he does, sprinting from one finish of the pool to the opposite (and generally again). He holds the world file within the males’s 100-meter butterfly, having first snatched that historic distinction away from Michael Phelps in 2019. Then, Dressel lowered his world file within the occasion on the Tokyo Olympics — the place he received 5 gold medals in 5 occasions.

Regardless of all of it, Dressel was depressing.

He was fixated on the place he felt he’d failed. In a single race, it was the flip. One other, the end. His head place. It didn’t matter that he’d touched the wall first again and again. It didn’t matter that he was bringing gold dwelling and serving to Group USA end atop the medal depend. He chased perfection. He chased occasions and chased stretch objectives. He hadn’t met them.

“I created a monster in myself — simply so caught up in perfectionism,” he instructed former Olympians Missy Franklin and Katie Hoff on their “Unfiltered Waters” podcast. “So caught up in, ‘If I don’t see these occasions, it means I’m a nasty particular person, or it means I didn’t prepare onerous sufficient. If I don’t go a world file, it means … I didn’t obsess sufficient.’”

The game he’d been drawn to as a child as a result of it was so delightfully enjoyable was fairly the alternative. And it’d been that approach for years. However Dressel saved pushing himself, listening to his inside critic ripping himself aside.

Till he “broke,” he places it now. He withdrew abruptly in the midst of the 2022 world championship meet in Budapest and disappeared from the game for eight months.

Dressel hasn’t gone into a lot element about that interval of his life in Gainesville, Fla., apart from to say he spent numerous time together with his therapist. His spouse, Meghan, was there for him, too, although she additionally realized there have been numerous conversations Dressel wanted to have inside his personal thoughts. Some days, he didn’t do a lot. Most days, he prevented routes that took him previous the College of Florida pool. He didn’t need to odor the chlorine.

He had to determine who he was past his finest occasions and what made him tick outdoors the pool. He needed to reorient himself, how he believed others felt about him and why they beloved him. He needed to learn to smile once more.

The method wasn’t simple, and progress hasn’t at all times been a straight line. Nevertheless it’s what makes Dressel, 27, who he’s now as a swimmer and an individual (and new dad). It’s additionally why he’s again within the pool and headed to Paris, one of many headliners of Group USA and arguably crucial piece of the puzzle for the U.S. swim staff in its efforts to win the meet by bringing dwelling extra gold medals than its friends. There may be outdoors stress, sure. However inside his thoughts, Dressel’s largest critic is quieter.

“It’s actually robust,” Dressel instructed The Athletic final month. “It’s embedded in me — the place you at all times need to search for methods to get higher. I’m nonetheless doing that, however I’m not changing into obsessed and so fixated on it that I lose sight of what’s truly enjoyable with the game. It’s onerous, and it’s not like I’ve abruptly gotten to determine it out this yr. There are issues that I’m actually proud that I’ve achieved in another way, like with the ability to take pleasure in components of the game with out simply crapping on myself for not being good.

“It’s nonetheless very a lot a piece in progress.”

Now, Dressel seems like an individual who’s found out so much about himself by remedy. One of many first issues he’ll inform you is how useful his common appointments together with his therapist have been.

“I’ve been making an attempt to not be so fixated on outcomes and simply merely having fun with racing and coaching — these are the 2 components of the game that I actually take pleasure in,” Dressel mentioned. “There are components of the game that I actually dislike, that I actually hate. Nevertheless it’s price placing up with for the moments that I actually do take pleasure in. It’s going to be a stability; I’m not anticipating each a part of the game to simply be the perfect factor ever for me. However I’ve actually leaned into the components of the game that I do take pleasure in.

“That’s been the principle distinction for me. I’ve at all times beloved coaching. I’ve at all times beloved being across the staff. The precise racing portion, I do actually, actually take pleasure in — as quickly because the gun goes off, it’s simply merely enjoyable. So, I’ve simply been making an attempt to maintain it simply merely swimming. Merely swimming this yr.”

Dressel will merely swim the 50-meter freestyle and the 100 fly as particular person occasions on the Video games, and he’ll possible be a part of a number of relays. On the U.S. Olympic trials in Indianapolis, he completed third within the 100-free remaining, which price him the chance to defend his gold medal within the occasion in Paris.

However he’s completely satisfied to be a part of the Olympic staff. He’s happy with what he completed at trials to qualify for it. He’s thrilled that his toddler son, August, obtained to see all of it, held in Meghan’s arms within the stands.

“Nobody can take that away,” Dressel mentioned in Indianapolis. “He’s not going to recollect it. I’ll inform him, belief me, I obtained pictures so I can show it. … That was a extremely particular second. Meghan is aware of what goes into this, not simply the parenting facet of issues however she will get to see firsthand the struggles that include the game.

“The tears that include it, the frustration after which additionally the excessive factors, and attending to share that with them, as a result of they undergo that as effectively — that was actually particular, August attending to see that.”

Meghan shared a video of Dressel with child August on the Olympic coaching camp in North Carolina this month, one other second captured and saved to commemorate a once-in-a-lifetime second. They’ll be in Paris, too, alongside Dressel’s mother and father and household. Dressel mentioned he wouldn’t be the place he’s right now with out their assist. And he actually wouldn’t be the place he’s with out Meghan, whom he calls the “superhero” of their household.

Parenthood is great for a lot of causes, however maybe the best lesson it teaches is one in all perspective — particularly for somebody who has spent most of his life chasing occasions and looking perfection that doesn’t and can’t exist.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever go a finest time ever once more, and that’s robust to say out loud. It truly is,” Dressel mentioned. “Once you’re 19, 20, 21, you retain chipping away, chipping away, chipping away. I’m nonetheless working more durable than ever, discovering each path I can take to shave these couple of tenths. However I don’t know. I don’t know if I can try this. I’m actually good at racing. You set me in a race, I’ll make it shut, as shut as I presumably can, even when I’ve to attempt to kill myself to get there. I’ll put myself in these conditions.”

So, he doesn’t know precisely how Paris will go. However he is aware of he’s older, wiser and genuinely happier than earlier than the final Olympic Video games. Others see it, too, and never simply when he’s straddling the lane line after a race or punching the water in celebration.

“He’s at all times had that smile,” seven-time gold medalist and College of Florida coaching companion Katie Ledecky mentioned. “He took that point away, and when he got here again, he’s had that smile each day. Simply to see his development over this previous yr, how he’s simply gotten higher and higher every meet — he appears to simply be loving the racing, and he loves the coaching most likely greater than the racing, and that makes everybody round him higher.”

It should make among the finest swimmers on the planet higher, too. And that’s why that smile is pretty much as good as gold, it doesn’t matter what medal hangs round Dressel’s neck.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever go a finest time ever once more, and that’s robust to say out loud,” Caeleb Dressel mentioned. He’ll give it a shot in Paris beginning later this month. (Maddie Meyer / Getty Photographs)

(High illustration: Dan Goldfarb / The Athletic; photograph: Sarah Stier / Getty Photographs)