Actor Jack Merrill Particulars Horrific Alleged Abduction, Rape By John Wayne Gacy in 1978

The actor recalled his story — in his personal phrases — for PEOPLE. Within the piece, which was printed on Wednesday, Merrill, 65, detailed how he was allegedly kidnapped and raped by Gacy in 1978, and finally escaped.

After first recalling his upbringing in Evanston, Illinois, Merrill mentioned he moved out of his dwelling at 17 to an house in downtown Chicago. At 19, the aspiring performer was “working in golf equipment,” and “needed to be an actor however didn’t know the right way to go about that.”

He mentioned he “would go swimming” on the native YCMA, and whereas strolling dwelling one evening post-swim, he allegedly bumped into a person, who pulled over and requested him if he needed “to go for a trip.”

Merrill mentioned he agreed, considering they might “go across the block just a few instances, however he began driving shortly and became a extremely dangerous neighborhood.”

“He mentioned, ‘Lock your door. It’s harmful,'” I mentioned they saved that out of the papers as a result of it was dangerous for enterprise on close by Rush Avenue, and he mentioned, ‘How have you learnt that, huh? You’re good. You are not like these different children,'” Merrill recalled, including that he had “by no means gotten into anybody’s automotive earlier than” however determined to “keep it up” since Gacy allegedly advised him he was “completely different.”

Nevertheless, based on Merrill, issues took a flip when Gacy “pulled over close to the ramp” of the freeway, and requested if he’d ever executed “poppers” — the slang time period for amyl nitrite.

“He pulled out this brown bottle, splashed some liquid on a rag and jammed it into my face. I handed out, and once I awoke, I used to be in handcuffs,” Merrill mentioned. “I noticed the exit for Cumberland on the expressway, close to the airport, and the following factor I knew, we had been outdoors his home.”

“He advised me to be quiet. A light-weight from the again of the home hit him within the eyes and abruptly I noticed how harmful he was. I used to be a puny 19-year-old,” he continued. “I knew I couldn’t anger him. I simply needed to diffuse the scenario and act like every little thing was okay. That is the best way I had survived as a child — we realized to lie low throughout my dad and mom’ rages.”

Merrill claimed Gacy took him to the “darkish” dwelling, including that he “sensed it was a entice.”

“He requested if I trusted him, and I mentioned I did, so he took off {the handcuffs},” Merrill mentioned, claiming that he and Gacy drank beer and “sturdy pot” earlier than Gacy “put {the handcuffs} again on” and “dragged [him] down the corridor.”

Merrill then described the alleged assault.

“He put this selfmade contraption round my neck. It had ropes and pulleys, and it went round my again and thru my handcuffed fingers in a method that if I struggled, I might choke,” he claimed. “I did at one level and began to lose air. He caught a gun in my mouth. Then he raped me within the bed room. I knew if I fought him, I did not have a lot of an opportunity. I by no means freaked out or yelled. I additionally felt sorry for him in a method, like he did not essentially wish to be doing what he was doing, however he could not cease. We might been there for hours. Lastly, I might inform he was tiring. Hastily he mentioned, ‘I am going to take you dwelling.'”

Merrill then claimed that “round 5 within the morning,” Gacy dropped him off “not far” from the place he first picked him up, and allegedly gave him his cellphone quantity.

“He gave me his cellphone quantity and mentioned, ‘Possibly we’ll get collectively once more someday,'” he mentioned. “Once I bought dwelling, I flushed the quantity down the bathroom, then took a bathe. I did not name the police — I did not know he was a killer on the time. I went to the Snowflake Diner and had scrambled eggs and a chocolate milkshake. I made a pact with myself that I used to be going to get previous this. I wasn’t going to go away my happiness in that home.”

Gacy killed 33 teenage boys and younger males from 1972 to 1978, earlier than the victims had been present in his dwelling in 1978. Generally known as the “Killer Clown”, he additionally carried out at youngsters’s hospitals and charitable occasions on the time. He was executed through deadly injection in 1994.

Merrill mentioned that just a few months after he was allegedly kidnapped and raped by Gacy, he noticed a headline about our bodies having been discovered at a “suburban website.”

“The story had a map, and there was the Cumberland exit on the Kennedy Expressway,” he recalled, earlier than saying that he then known as the paper. “[I] mentioned, ‘That man raped me.’ The person who answered mentioned, ‘What did you say your title was?’ I did not say my title. I used to be delicate about my title as a result of folks knew my father. That was his paper.”

“I hung up the cellphone. I assumed if the police ever wanted my assist, I would come ahead,” he continued. “They discovered all these our bodies underneath that home, and years later he was convicted. However like I mentioned, if that they had wanted me, I might have come ahead.”

“I learn that he went to jail. I would see his image, and he was repulsive,” Merrill mentioned. “The lurking thought has been, ‘Did he stain me? Was I someway stained?'”

Merrill mentioned at 21, he moved to New York, realizing that he “wanted a change.” He created an Off-Broadway troupe, including that “appearing was therapeutic” for him.

He mentioned that he later joined a help group as a result of his boyfriend had “full-blown AIDS” on the time.

“I examine Oprah doing a present about forgiveness. There was a lady who had been raped, overwhelmed and left for lifeless,” Merrill mentioned. “She mentioned if she didn’t forgive her attacker, she couldn’t get on along with her life. I knew I had to do this — to someway forgive Gacy.”

Now, a few years later, Merrill mentioned he nonetheless has to “face” his trauma once in a while, sharing that he refuses to observe violent films.

“Our tradition is obsessive about John Wayne Gacy,” he mentioned. “Years in the past I used to be on the Haunted Hayride in Griffith Park in L.A. We flip a nook, and there’s a banner that claims, ‘Macy’s Day Parade.’ However the ‘M’ was crossed out and changed with a crimson “G,” and there is clowns working round with axes and knives. It is that fright issue.”

“Folks like it, however I do not discover violence enjoyable. I will not go to these films. The concept of watching somebody being tied up … I can not. Once I get scared, I by no means cry — my feelings get locked,” he continued. “However when good issues occur in films, when somebody will get what they need, the waterworks begin.”

Merrill famous that he hadn’t publicly opened up about his alleged assault till now — and had beforehand solely advised “shut associates.” And never solely is he now sharing his story publicly, however he wrote a one-man present about his life, known as The Save.

“Doing my new present, I stroll by it each evening,” he mentioned, referring to his alleged abduction and rape. “I am pleased with the journey. I used to be in a position to be taught from the dangerous and use it for the nice. You understand, I am fortunate. I’ve all the time been fortunate.”

The Nationwide Sexual Assault Phone Hotline — 800.656.HOPE (4673) — supplies free, 24/7 help for these in want.